Mama Guilt

As a mompreneur I go through frequent mommy guilt and second guessing of going after my dreams. The closer my graduation date gets the more intense my thoughts get on if I made the right decision. My daughter is 6 and growing more and more aware of what I am doing with my time. She notices me constantly working on photos, planning my next shoot or heading out to a photo shoot. The older she gets the more she can tag along with me on these little adventures. Being a mommy I feel the pressure because this little person is depending on to me to come through for her and show her the benefits to following her dreams. Most people will tell you that kids don't care about most of the thing us adults worry about. I understand this but I still have the concerns of letting her down after risking so much to follow my dreams. Having her at 18 was a decision that I cant explain because even though she wasn't planned I couldn't push her out of my life. I had these naive thoughts of everything having this perfect fairy tale ending but things quickly switched. It definitely bent me but didn't break me like I thought it would. Malia taught me how to sacrifice without losing myself in her but also showed me the beauty of dreaming beyond my imagination. We now sit and talk about life after I graduate and as beautiful as our talks are they give me anxiety. She sees me in this beautiful way that I cannot describe and maybe thats God talking to me through her. I go through all these emotions at once and she eases and excites those emotions. She relaxes me because she lets me know my dreams could have a perfect ending (well perfect for us) She excites and builds the anxiety because this beautiful soul deserves the world and more. I always wish I had a partner by my side willing to take over when I cant but life always changes and does the unexpected. My partner now has become my family who has been by my side every step of the way even when they didn't agree.  Once I make it to other side of all this fear and dreaming my testimony will be amazing and I will be able to inspire another young lady that feels defeated. 

Hope this little story times helps someone to know they are not alone with the mommy guilt, it so REAL. 

xoxo,

mama -- Taylor 

Taylor BaldwinComment